Coffee

So I have come to the realization that I am beginning to really like coffee. It ofciurse has to have some additions like sugar and vanilla coffee mate. As most of you know I am a total PEPSI fanatic, it is the one thing I drink when I am stressed, sad, upset. It like a drug to me. I don’t know what it is but instead of going for a beer I go striaght to the Pepsi. I know I am Werid. So in an effort to stop drinking so much pepsi I have started drinking coffee. Can you believe that they say it a more natural caffeine. Ge’ez why is it that caffeine is so good damn!! So just something that was on my mind and thought I would post.

Update

I know I havent written much lately and I am sorry. Things here have been pretty busy. At the beginning of the month we had alittle scare with my dad. He was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks getting over phnewmonia (spelling I totally knw is wrong). He is better now and is back at home with Mom. We went down to Cali to visit him. On Friday, when we got there we went and saw him and when we left William and I thought that this is more serious they we thought. He isnt looking good and we werent sure if he was going to make it. We went and met up with Dan and Sara that night for dinner. Yolanda’s. Cant visit Ventura without going there for dinner. It was really good. then we went to the hotel and pretty much crashed. Saturday we met up with Mom and Dan and Sara again for B-fast. Since we cant see Dad for a long time we decided to go in the afternoon and then at night. Dad seemed to get better everytime we saw him. On Sunday we went out with Elizabeth and her family.. Got to see the baby… oh he is so cute. Also, my Sister and Brother from another mother (lucky devils) Marian and George joined us and Sara and Avery. It was a big b-fast at Denny’s. It was so nice to see everyone. Before we left we went and saw Dad and he looked so much better. Had is color back and was even joking around. It was nice. It really put William and I at ease. I think that weekend in Ventura really turned William around too. I think that he finally realized not only what he really wanted but what he was losing slowly if he didnt get it together. He asked me to move back in that weekend. Wanted me to know that he loved and and wanted us to be a family. A family that is together and not apart. At the time I told him that I think that we should still take our time in this and work on the things he wanted and I wanted. He agreed but I could tell he was upset. Since then we have been working on things and going to counseling. It has been a new side of our marriage. We have been working together on things and thoughts about our dreams and what we want to accomplish. It has been good. So this weekend and next weekend I will be gettting my things together to move back in. I think that its time. I am still in a state of confusion but my Kimmie the Counselor (lol) really put things together for me. She told me that I will always have this fear of him leaving and us seperating again, but life it to short to dewell on it. Well I got to get back to work. I will talk again soon…

Another Day … Another Tear

So … I started moving my stuff out of the house. Taking all the things that are mine and divided the rest. Got my own account and am ready to move the rest tonight. Its the saddest thing ever.

I did write him a letter… Just stating that I understand that he might need time and I might not understand but I will give him the space he needs. I also enclosed my engagement ring… I wrote ” I am enclosing my Engagement ring. I am giving you the ring that started it all. The ring that represents the first commitment in our lives. The commitment of love.  Once you find the love that you once had for me, like when you first gave me the ring. You can return it to me to show that your love has returned. I am going to keep my Wedding Ring to show you the commitment and love I have for you. I will wear the ring to show you that I am fighting for this relationship and I will wear it until there is no more fight left in me. I will wear it to show you that I love you and the vows we took are something I take very seriously. I love you William and I hope one day you will find that again. “ 

So tomorrow will be my last day in my home. I will be staying at my sisters until I get the money for my own place. Hopefully things will work out. Otherwise… there is always another road in life to take. Sometimes its better and sometimes worse but atleast you have that choice.

Separation!!!

Separation…. What does this really mean?

Well as most of you know … William and I are separting. He has come to the conclusion that he doesnt want to be with anyone right now. As he told me last night …. ” If A was 18 and off on her own I would be happy That way I could be hermit.. be by myself with noone around. “  That hit home for me last night. It sent me over the edge from crying and wondering the hell I did to pissed off and ready to try and be strong. No guarantees there. So … I am moving out. My sister came over last night and we started packing. I took all the pictures of our wedding off the wall. Pictures of Disneyland… Pictures of family. Packed them up … Tonight I will do the kitchen and finish the bedroom. Time to move out. All I can do is let him know that I will wait for him. Wait for him to decide. It hard to think that we once talked about being together forever and how we would spend our senior years together. I guess nothing is forever.

The hardest part of today was walking out the door without saying ” bye have a great day at work… LOVE YOU” I just kept telling myself if he wants to be alone then for the next few days.. I need to be invisable. I need to let him feel what he wants and just move on. Learn to be with myself and give him time. Maybe he will find the spark he once had for me and maybe he wont. But I guess that is what Love is all about… Giving time. As my friend told me ” Let your Love loose and if they come back its meant to be.. If not then its there loss and time to find the person that is really worth my tears of happiness”

AREIL IS OFFICALLY A TEENAGER TODAY!!

HAPPY B-DAY TO AREIL!!! SHE IS 13 (TEEN) TODAY.

THIS MORNING AFTER THE GYM, I WENT TO MCD’S AND GOT HER A SAUAGE MCGRIDDLE AND A HOT CHOCLATE SO I COULD SURPRISE HER WITH BREAKFAST. TONIGHT WE ARE GOING TO CHILI’S FOR DINNER WITH TRISHA, DON AND THE GIRLS. SO WE SHOULD HAVE TONS OF FUN.

HAPPY B-DAY AREIL!!!

Christmas… Merry Christmas to all !!

Hi All,

Well we had a wonderful white Christmas. We got a storm and it dump about 3 inches of snow during the day. (See Pics) Otherwise we had a great day. Areil woke us up at 7:30 and ofcourse William got up and grabbed his new toy. A Canon Video Camera. Man it was funny to see him with it all day. I will try and post some of the Videos.  We later went over to my sister’s for Presents and Dinner. She made a wonderful Roast with all the fixings. It was good.

Well I hope you all had a Great Holiday.

Bronchitis…………

Well I went to the Doctors this afternoon and I have Bronchitis…. Damn.. this sucks.

What a Saturday of Nothing…..

Well here I sit at the Dinning Room Table. William has a friend from work over and they are playing PS3. The boys are playing some shotting game. They move around so much that it makes me dizzy. So I am here at the table writting and drinking my MGD..(YES!!) … cooking dinner. Since we are low on money I went to the store and tried to come up with some really good dinners. So I came up with Tacos… Spanish Rice … Refied Beans for a Mexican Dinner. Which I am fixing tonight because there is nothing better then a Cold Beer and some Tacos. Tomorrow is Meat Loaf with steamed Vegs and Mashed Potatos. The one thing about Meat Loaf is that I always have orders. My Co-Worker  loves my meatloaf and William’s Co-Worker also loves it. So I have to make alittle extra for them. Well enough my Menu for the week. CAN YOU TELL I AM BORED!!???!?!?!? I do have to say its nice to be home with William even if he has a friend over. We havent had alot of time together and we were able to hang out this morning and I like to see him here having fun. Plus, Its nice to be able to just sit back and relax. Well Dinner is ready so …Need to stop groving to the NKOB Album and go finish dinner.  I hope you all are having a relaxing saturday like me. Big Huggs…

Home

 

Picture of the Valley we live in just a few weeks ago. It was right after a snow storm so its alittle brown, usually its nice and Green. This weekend, I am going to drive up to Tahoe and take some pictures of the Snow and the Valley so I will post those later.

Wacky October …. BOO!!

Hi All,

Well things around here have just been so crazy. October was so much Drama and Craziness, that I am SO Glad that it is over. First we started out with me working like CRAZY, dealing with all the Drama from Areil and just trying like hell to spend 2 mins alone with William. Then My Parents came out for a visit. It was OK. Very short. We Ate Chinese on Friday. Saturday went to Genoa and spent some time. Then came back to Trisha’s for Dinner and a Movie. Went to Work Saturday overnight and then went to b-fast Sunday morning before they shoved off home. This Last weekend I got to go to Ventura with Areil. It was OK. DRAMA…. as usual. We did get to stay at a great Courtyard!! The Room was huge and Areil and I had fun. Got to see Elizabeth and new cute Nycolas Uureil …. for us white people Nicolas Areil. Even though in her heritage she was not to leave the house for 40 days she got to sneak out for the shower. The one pic I did get is posted. I also got to see KELLY AKA Stup…. She is doing great. Crazy working at Office Depot and dancing the country away. I miss her. She is so amazing. Then Areil and I come home on Sunday. It was exciting driving and watching the clouds get darker and darker. Thank goodness that we didnt hit any snow on the way home. We did have alittle on the ground but nothing to be excited for. The views though once we passed bishop, were just amazing. Ofcourse, the damn camera ran out of batteries on the way home and we didnt get to get any. The trees were so Green and the mountain tops were topped with snow it was just great. Here at home we didnt get any snow yet… (thank goodness). The mountain and Tahoe though still have some. ITS so beautiful. I will take some pictures this weekend and blog them. Well I am off.. Have a great week all.